Positive thinking.....I try to keep it up, but sometimes I get swatted very hard by something (an email or letter from my attorney) and the negativity creeps in. I have a bad day or two and then I'm fine. This is so much better than it was at the beginning. I can't help but wonder how wonderful it will be when the divorce is finalized. Of course, since E won't supply needed info and cooperate with the proceedings, it makes things a bit harder. I'm sure he's coming up with all sorts of excuses, just like he always did. I used to enable that by making excuses for him. LOL...THAT is over for sure!
What does he mean by making this take so long? Does he just want to use up ALL the money we accumulated together? Does he just want to "make me suffer"? I can tell you he's already made me suffer...during out marriage. No matter what happens from now on, the suffering is over for me. I could happily live with nothing and no one after living with and dealing with his unmedicated bi-polar personality. It was SO much easier when he was taking meds and getting therapy. Not to say that it was EASY...but living with anyone takes work. I'm not easy to live with either...evidently! :(
My best friends tell me I'm wonderful, kind, caring and loving. My cats think I'm Bastet in living form, the dog thinks I'm whatever dogs think is God. BUT I KNOW...I'm human, I'm faulty and I'm a work in process. I also know that I'm doing the best I can with what I have and always have....too bad some people can't deal with that.
My new "project" during my whirly-twirly thinking sessions is about co-dependency. I'm thinking that it's a generalized label that is used TOO MUCH. It is used as an excuse mostly and I believe that is just WRONG. The label seems to allow many people to just accept themselves the way they are and stop any attempts at improvement. It also allows cruelty to others in a way. I was "put out" of my son and daughter-in-law's home after being invited to live there until my divorce was final. Everyone knew what was being taken on and after the reality set in of having a larger household with larger problems, the daughter-in-law decided she had had enough. She talked of divorce to my son, which was unkind to say the least. I had told them before this that I should just move out on my own because I was causing too many problems with them. I was told at THAT time that I should not...then shortly thereafter, was given an ultimatum. It was me or the wife from what my son said...he chose the wife. I just hope that he isn't sorry after a period of time goes by. Some of the things he says about his marriage and what his wife wants is very reminiscent of MY marriage. It's scary, but he's got to do what he thinks is right for him at the time, just like I did. Going back over it won't do any good, but I want to warn him about reliving my marriage with E when he talks about his wife and her wants/needs. Oh well...it's his life. I love him no matter what, just like I do his brother who has overcome drug addiction and is living the life of his dreams now.
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