Remember???

When we first started dating, we could not get enough time together. I worked first shift and you worked second, usually weekends too.  Those phone calls you made to me were our only time together for months, except for an occasional hour or two between when I got off work and you left for work....or a Sunday together. I did what I could to help you at your place because you were working so many hours. You got into the habit of not being afraid to ask me to do anything. You asked me to knock down your cobwebs because you "never seemed to get around to it". It was this and that, here and there...along with whatever I thought would help you at the time.  I painted a gate you had built for between the cow pastures.  I cleaned your house, swept your garage, mowed your lawn, ground corn and fed your cows.  I also took care of my own five acres and house, along with my horse and dogs and kitties.  Oh, I guess you did take care of spreading fertilizer on my yard one year.....with a garden tractor and rotary spreader.

Remember when you asked me to call a "friend" who had purchased one of your cows the year previous and find out why he hadn't paid the rest of the money?  I wanted to please you SO much that I did it and felt like a villain. The wife of your friend told me all the money troubles they'd been having and when I told you, you just said "oh, ok..." and never asked him for the money again. I don't even know if he ever did pay you for that cow. Why in the world did you ask ME to call him???

When we first met, I used to work out every day...usually on my stair climber. Forty-five minutes, twice a day and my legs were AWESOME!  Once we were "an item", this wasn't something I had time for. I still got exercise from all the yard work and wood splitting and stacking, tree trimming, cleaning barns and houses....but it wasn't the same. My toned legs started to thin out and (it seemed like), all of a sudden weren't toned anymore.  You even told me so one afternoon when we had traveled to Minnesota for your cousin's wedding. That was a shocker....I don't know why....it just didn't occur to me that you would notice, let alone say that!
I also used to have friends and close family. This began to be too much of an effort after a time with you by my side. You didn't "feel like" doing anything with anyone else but me, except occasionally. You didn't want me to go without you either. By the time I got my work at home(s) done after work, I was too tired to do anything when you were at work, plus then you wouldn't be able to call and talk to me! It was soon evident that I needed to stop seeing my friends and keep the family visits for "special events".

Remember once when we first got together, you told me you noticed something about me (I don't even remember what it was!), and I was surprised. You said that you always tried to notice little things about me.  I was impressed and flattered, as I don't remember anyone ever doing that before. Except for my Mom, of course!  So, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that you noticed my legs had lost their toned shape after months of not working out regularly.
Then...remember?  We had gone to the grocery store and stocked up on canned goods that were on sale. We were carrying the groceries in through the back door of your house and I was kind of depressed about something and said something negative about myself.  You got angry and elbowed me pretty hard in the back. It hurt and I said so...you ignored me and started putting groceries away. When I told you that it REALLY hurt and that you put a bruise on my back from elbowing too hard, you told me not to "knock myself" then.....I can't think why I didn't realize how LITTLE sense that made. But....I "got over it" and we carried on.
Then....remember?  We were herding cows into the chute for shots and I did something "wrong" and flubbed getting a cow in. Even though it wasn't a big deal and we soon got the cow to go in, you yelled at me and made me feel stupid, so I cried. You then got REALLY angry and yelled even louder for me to stop crying. I soon realized that my crying to relieve my pain at your anger only got you MORE angry each and every time I relapsed from my usual "dying to get approval mode", and I soon taught myself NOT to cry....for ANY reason.  I didn't get it then....that crying is a natural release for the body and that it can be GOOD to cry...not in an unlimited fashion, of course...just to relax tension and relieve pain that may be physical or mental.  I just carried on...being "The Punkin", which is your name for me...I hardly heard my real name from your lips anymore. Only if you were introducing me to someone...which soon carried to "This is Debbie, or The Punkin, as she is better known".  While at work, of course, I was just "the girlfriend", then "the fiancee", then "the wife". I hated that, but knew it wasn't meant to be any slight...it was just the way all the guys at worked referred to their "significant other". I guess that's a Chrysler thing.....had never heard of it before.