Good times...

We had SO many great experiences together....so much fun and laughter! Remember when we grilled chicken outside in the dead of winter and ate it with our fingers right off the grill while standing out of the wind (in the dark) by the back door! LOL...it was so good! No spices, just grilled with cherry wood. The chicken was pink with cherry smoke and was so delicious I ate two whole pieces!
You used to laugh at me when it was time for a meal, because I would eat just a tiny bit....you told me I ate like a bird.....then I would eat a HUGE chunk of whatever was offered for dessert! Then you made up my nickname of "The Dessert Queen".  You wouldn't let me eat dessert unless I ate a regular meal and I was NOT used to that! I had lived alone long enough to enjoy my "food freedom" and rebelled vigorously!  Finally, I gave in to your wishes....mostly because I knew you were right, well....except for the meat part. I don't particularly like meat and you ate quite a bit of it!  I still would rather have cheese or nuts or something...unless turkey is offered! I LOVE turkey with cranberry sauce and that way I can give leftovers to my kitties, who adore turkey!

We used to grill almost every Sunday when we'd cook for the week together. We would sit and talk and laugh while drinking wine in winter and beer in summer. The best was when we had finished up on a long day of hot yard work or something like that. Sitting in the cool of a summer evening with an ice-cold beer and chatting with your love is a great feeling!  When we finished, we'd had an entire weeks worth of food to pack in our lunches for work and have when we got home from work.  That was one of your ideas that I REALLY agreed with!  We had fun preparing and cooking and even cleaning up! Having you to share in that chore made me like cooking for myself again. LOL....when you first met me and looked into my pantry and refrigerator, I remember the look of true HORROR on your face. I think I had milk and cheese in the frig and Cafe Vienna instant coffee and crackers in the pantry. You could not believe that I didn't have "real" food in my kitchen. You didn't realize then that I usually ate out, stopping at a Denny's after work and going out with my friends on weekends or going to a family members house for dinner.  You told me I was too skinny and that you could see all of my ribs in my back. You wanted to fatten me up and "teach" me how to eat RIGHT! To you, that meant eating LOTS of meat! Something I resisted (and mostly succeeded) to avoid the whole time we were together.  You even conceded that you ate too much meat there at the end...after listening to your doctor talk about heart disease and the efforts of too much red meat. I guess growing up on a farm with cows and pigs to butcher and freeze had much to do with your tendency to eat so much meat. It agreed with you until a certain point, then it started to put unhealthy "belly weight" on you. That was when you really took a close look at your diet.

Remember???

When we first started dating, we could not get enough time together. I worked first shift and you worked second, usually weekends too.  Those phone calls you made to me were our only time together for months, except for an occasional hour or two between when I got off work and you left for work....or a Sunday together. I did what I could to help you at your place because you were working so many hours. You got into the habit of not being afraid to ask me to do anything. You asked me to knock down your cobwebs because you "never seemed to get around to it". It was this and that, here and there...along with whatever I thought would help you at the time.  I painted a gate you had built for between the cow pastures.  I cleaned your house, swept your garage, mowed your lawn, ground corn and fed your cows.  I also took care of my own five acres and house, along with my horse and dogs and kitties.  Oh, I guess you did take care of spreading fertilizer on my yard one year.....with a garden tractor and rotary spreader.

Remember when you asked me to call a "friend" who had purchased one of your cows the year previous and find out why he hadn't paid the rest of the money?  I wanted to please you SO much that I did it and felt like a villain. The wife of your friend told me all the money troubles they'd been having and when I told you, you just said "oh, ok..." and never asked him for the money again. I don't even know if he ever did pay you for that cow. Why in the world did you ask ME to call him???

When we first met, I used to work out every day...usually on my stair climber. Forty-five minutes, twice a day and my legs were AWESOME!  Once we were "an item", this wasn't something I had time for. I still got exercise from all the yard work and wood splitting and stacking, tree trimming, cleaning barns and houses....but it wasn't the same. My toned legs started to thin out and (it seemed like), all of a sudden weren't toned anymore.  You even told me so one afternoon when we had traveled to Minnesota for your cousin's wedding. That was a shocker....I don't know why....it just didn't occur to me that you would notice, let alone say that!
I also used to have friends and close family. This began to be too much of an effort after a time with you by my side. You didn't "feel like" doing anything with anyone else but me, except occasionally. You didn't want me to go without you either. By the time I got my work at home(s) done after work, I was too tired to do anything when you were at work, plus then you wouldn't be able to call and talk to me! It was soon evident that I needed to stop seeing my friends and keep the family visits for "special events".

Remember once when we first got together, you told me you noticed something about me (I don't even remember what it was!), and I was surprised. You said that you always tried to notice little things about me.  I was impressed and flattered, as I don't remember anyone ever doing that before. Except for my Mom, of course!  So, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that you noticed my legs had lost their toned shape after months of not working out regularly.
Then...remember?  We had gone to the grocery store and stocked up on canned goods that were on sale. We were carrying the groceries in through the back door of your house and I was kind of depressed about something and said something negative about myself.  You got angry and elbowed me pretty hard in the back. It hurt and I said so...you ignored me and started putting groceries away. When I told you that it REALLY hurt and that you put a bruise on my back from elbowing too hard, you told me not to "knock myself" then.....I can't think why I didn't realize how LITTLE sense that made. But....I "got over it" and we carried on.
Then....remember?  We were herding cows into the chute for shots and I did something "wrong" and flubbed getting a cow in. Even though it wasn't a big deal and we soon got the cow to go in, you yelled at me and made me feel stupid, so I cried. You then got REALLY angry and yelled even louder for me to stop crying. I soon realized that my crying to relieve my pain at your anger only got you MORE angry each and every time I relapsed from my usual "dying to get approval mode", and I soon taught myself NOT to cry....for ANY reason.  I didn't get it then....that crying is a natural release for the body and that it can be GOOD to cry...not in an unlimited fashion, of course...just to relax tension and relieve pain that may be physical or mental.  I just carried on...being "The Punkin", which is your name for me...I hardly heard my real name from your lips anymore. Only if you were introducing me to someone...which soon carried to "This is Debbie, or The Punkin, as she is better known".  While at work, of course, I was just "the girlfriend", then "the fiancee", then "the wife". I hated that, but knew it wasn't meant to be any slight...it was just the way all the guys at worked referred to their "significant other". I guess that's a Chrysler thing.....had never heard of it before.

Phone conversations...

Remember how many times you used to call me from work?  I would be at home doing something and the phone would ring, and it would be you! Any few minutes you had, even before you had a cell phone, a phone was found and you would find me and we would talk for as long as possible about anything.

For a man who worked at Chrysler, you had an inordinate amount of time available to chat with your girlfriend and you took advantage of that. It didn't matter what I was doing or if I had an appointment or whatever; you would call and we would talk. Lots of subjects would come up and be discussed at length or I would just listen sometimes, when you woke me from a sound sleep, while you talked and laughed about something that had happened at work. Sometimes you would complain, but not too often....I didn't mind most of the time.

In those days, it was unusual for us to NOT talk at least 2-3 times per day, even when we didn't see each other. You also wrote tiny little letters to me while at work and gave them to me when we did get together. The letters were no bigger than 1x2 inches, written with an extremely sharp pencil, complete with a stamp on the tiny envelope. I loved those little "love letters" so much! They gave voice to the patience and care that could come from your hands and your heart.

The ways.....

You had certain ways to do things....they were sometimes different than mine, sometimes not. You delighted in explaining why you did things the way you preferred. It usually had to do with your family. You grew up in a frugal household, the son of a truck farmer and hairdresser.  Your sisters were older and everyone worked the farm as soon as you grew big enough to pick fruit and veggies or pull weeds. You told me that by the time you were 13 years old, you had to purchase all of your clothes and schoolbooks with money you made yourself. Your Dad did not pay for your work at home, so you had to find odd jobs to help out other farmers.
This made you frugal and always looking to find a good deal.  You loved going to auctions all year round to find "something for nothing", which you would hold onto in the hopes of the item someday becoming valuable. The loft in the barn and in the garage were filled with such finds.

Another thing I remember is how you stocked up of canned foods and other non-perishables when you found a good deal at a store.  Your little house had minimal space, but there was a pantry and a root cellar filled with cans, bottles and pouches. It didn't seem to matter to you how many you already had....if there was a good sale, you went and bought some!

Your habit was to cook for the whole week on Sunday. I remember the first time I suggested getting together on a Sunday, you told me you had to cook and wouldn't have time.  I said "ok...." and then you suggested my coming over and helping, then we'd have dinner together.  I found that to be a good idea and showed up. We cooked and talked, enjoying each other greatly....then sat down to a lovely dinner with wine and candlelight.  You really wanted me to stay the night, but I was not ready to do so, and drove home.

You really were patient about my not being ready for any physical relationship. I appreciated that, especially since I know you didn't feel like being patient about it! LOL....

Living on a farmette with you...

We had your cows and my horse in the pasture. Tuffy HATED those cows, remember? He'd chase that HUGE cow of yours, Big Mama all around the pasture....LOL!
Together, we cut and split and stacked firewood for the wood-stove in winter.  We filled the pantry with canned goods and water for spring power outages. We had hurricane lamps for light, along with plenty of candles. There is nothing like candle light and the warm glow of a wood-stove in the evening for a night of romance!  Although we both worked nights during the week, weekends were a delight...every moment we spent together was a treasure to fall asleep on at night. Talking about our lives before we met was our favorite pastime and we did a LOT of talking! I had never before met a man who would rather talk than watch TV or play sports! During the weekend days, we worked around the farm, grinding corn with an old grist mill for the cows, tightening fence, mending gates. I rode Tuffy very seldom anymore, so he enjoyed being a retired show horse out in the Illinois farmland with a bunch of cows and me and his new "daddy".
You taught him that sweet juicy fall pears off the pear tree were a treat...this is a horse that would NOT eat carrots and only seldom would accept an apple! Amazing to me.....