Ok, now it's 2012 and is the divorce final? Of course not...E's not going to let it happen THAT fast! I don't know what it is with him...he's moved out of state and supposedly has a place to live. Last time I saw him, he said he "needed" the divorce to be final so he could get his own place. I told him I "needed" it to be done too, but I wasn't the one who changed lawyers five times and I'm certainly not the one who keeps ducking out of depositions by not providing the info the attorneys and the judge need.
Doing my best to "do the right thing" isn't always the best thing to do, it seems...... :(
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Friday, August 5, 2011
Found another notebook...
This one was obviously written after I filed the divorce papers and had moved out!
Will I be called upon for a statement re: E and our marriage?
Points~
- Before we were married and for the first few years, E was on depression meds and going for therapy, with and without me
-After he broke his back (he FORGOT the heating and cooling guys had TOLD him that they had taken out a piece of the scaffolding to put in venting. It was E's mistake that caused him to fall and I was his caretaker AND paid the bills, then went back to work when he was well enough.
-While my Mom was dying...E's anger about the way I was packaging an antique sled I had sold on eBay. He didn't ask me how I was planning to do it, just derided the way he SAW (I hadn't finished) and he wouldn't allow me to take care of my own project and its details. I was already upset over Mom and E's nastiness caused me to completely break down crying. I called Susie and Dar...when they came over, they saw him and how he was immediately. They hadn't seen him in anything but his "charming" mode before that.
-I called E's sister about the "disagreement" and all she could say was "E has issues"....like I didn't KNOW that! DUH! Turns out that E had called her husband and J told him to "get to a marriage counselor right away". LOL....I asked E several times to go with me and his answer "that never works" is very telling...since he's never been to one!
-My birthday...we were insulating the new attic and he hadn't said a word to me about it being my birthday. Then I didn't read his mind about the laying of the insulation. ANGER! I left him to himself and the insulation, then later he took me to buy a card for me while I stood in another aisle! He also bought a keychain for me and we went to dinner. I didn't need a card or a gift or dinner....all I wanted was a hug, some kindness and a "happy birthday" maybe.....
-E "chum-punched" my bad shoulder hard regarding a 2"x2" chunk of leftover meat that I gave to the dog. He "wanted to have it for lunch". We had gone out to dinner the night before and since he put the chunk of meat into the box we put the fat into for the dog, I figured it was intended for her too. I guess I was wrong.
-E allowed my cat, Apollo, to get lost while I was at work one day. E had "gotten busy" and took his eye off Pollo. I had to leave work to go home and find my little boy because E "had to go to work". Pollo came right out for me....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More notes from the next page....
For attorney appointment of 6/9/2011
FLA house not sold?!?! How does E's attorney not know???
MC house- E's "value" pre-addition was $60,000 to $80,000
My monetary contribution to the addition was $106,000 from the sale of my OWN house
We BOTH worked on the addition physically. We both planned the addition together. My legal counsel HAS all the "proof" that I was able to get re: MY $$$ into the addition
Auction of marital property???? (per E when I picked up my pre-marital furniture) How much? Where is the money? Also, E called my oldest son the very next day and told him that he had sold my pre-marital furniture with the house and if he doesn't have it there, he'll have to come up with $1500. Since I had given the stuff to G, I told my son to ask him. G let it go and my son actually went out and HELPED E put it back. Since it was MY pre-marital furniture that he had NO RIGHT (according to my attorney) to sell, shouldn't I get that money???
I understand this forgiveness stuff of ACIM and NA, but REALLY!!!!
Judge "might" consider value increase as marital?!?! My money, work and time was there as well as E's I quit my good job at UPS to be General Contractor for the addition (E's idea!).
If this LENGTHY process is not a continuance of E's emotional/mental abuse of me, what is it?? He's changed lawyers FOUR times!
Does it even matter WHY I sued for divorce? (Mental/emotion cruelty)
Dad's house- E demanded to be allowed to work on Dad's house to "increase" the value....
I was offered $68,000 BEFORE I had to gut the house of carpet and get rid of all Dad's things. I ended up with $70,000. NO VALUE INCREASE!!! Plus tons of physical labor on my account because E didn't even start on the house for MONTHS! I paid taxes and utilities months longer than needed. The first offer was to close when I like and I wouldn't have had to do anyting but to take out what I wanted from the house. E referred to the work on Dad's house as "practice" for MORE improvements to the MC house before we tried to sell it. He also used my inheritance $$$ for supplies (coerced me into it).
About the paralegal....does she communicate ANYTHING that I tell her about the $$$'s?? I have had to repeat and supply the same documents more times that I care to count.
Had to pay for a rewrite that was NOT my mistake. I told the paralegal which vehicle was mine and it's on the initial interrogatory.
Can we move this along??? E's attorney should be "caught up" by now?!?!
PLEASE get both depo's done before the next conference! This is RIDICULOUS!
Ask strongly for AT LEAST part of my attorney fees!!!
Also....I do NOT appreciate the comment that the paralegal made regarding how many clients there are. An attorney should NOT take on more clients than he/she can handle fairly. At his rates, he and his paralegal should at least communicate effectively and move along at a respectable pace!
Will I be called upon for a statement re: E and our marriage?
Points~
- Before we were married and for the first few years, E was on depression meds and going for therapy, with and without me
-After he broke his back (he FORGOT the heating and cooling guys had TOLD him that they had taken out a piece of the scaffolding to put in venting. It was E's mistake that caused him to fall and I was his caretaker AND paid the bills, then went back to work when he was well enough.
-While my Mom was dying...E's anger about the way I was packaging an antique sled I had sold on eBay. He didn't ask me how I was planning to do it, just derided the way he SAW (I hadn't finished) and he wouldn't allow me to take care of my own project and its details. I was already upset over Mom and E's nastiness caused me to completely break down crying. I called Susie and Dar...when they came over, they saw him and how he was immediately. They hadn't seen him in anything but his "charming" mode before that.
-I called E's sister about the "disagreement" and all she could say was "E has issues"....like I didn't KNOW that! DUH! Turns out that E had called her husband and J told him to "get to a marriage counselor right away". LOL....I asked E several times to go with me and his answer "that never works" is very telling...since he's never been to one!
-My birthday...we were insulating the new attic and he hadn't said a word to me about it being my birthday. Then I didn't read his mind about the laying of the insulation. ANGER! I left him to himself and the insulation, then later he took me to buy a card for me while I stood in another aisle! He also bought a keychain for me and we went to dinner. I didn't need a card or a gift or dinner....all I wanted was a hug, some kindness and a "happy birthday" maybe.....
-E "chum-punched" my bad shoulder hard regarding a 2"x2" chunk of leftover meat that I gave to the dog. He "wanted to have it for lunch". We had gone out to dinner the night before and since he put the chunk of meat into the box we put the fat into for the dog, I figured it was intended for her too. I guess I was wrong.
-E allowed my cat, Apollo, to get lost while I was at work one day. E had "gotten busy" and took his eye off Pollo. I had to leave work to go home and find my little boy because E "had to go to work". Pollo came right out for me....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More notes from the next page....
For attorney appointment of 6/9/2011
FLA house not sold?!?! How does E's attorney not know???
MC house- E's "value" pre-addition was $60,000 to $80,000
My monetary contribution to the addition was $106,000 from the sale of my OWN house
We BOTH worked on the addition physically. We both planned the addition together. My legal counsel HAS all the "proof" that I was able to get re: MY $$$ into the addition
Auction of marital property???? (per E when I picked up my pre-marital furniture) How much? Where is the money? Also, E called my oldest son the very next day and told him that he had sold my pre-marital furniture with the house and if he doesn't have it there, he'll have to come up with $1500. Since I had given the stuff to G, I told my son to ask him. G let it go and my son actually went out and HELPED E put it back. Since it was MY pre-marital furniture that he had NO RIGHT (according to my attorney) to sell, shouldn't I get that money???
I understand this forgiveness stuff of ACIM and NA, but REALLY!!!!
Judge "might" consider value increase as marital?!?! My money, work and time was there as well as E's I quit my good job at UPS to be General Contractor for the addition (E's idea!).
If this LENGTHY process is not a continuance of E's emotional/mental abuse of me, what is it?? He's changed lawyers FOUR times!
Does it even matter WHY I sued for divorce? (Mental/emotion cruelty)
Dad's house- E demanded to be allowed to work on Dad's house to "increase" the value....
I was offered $68,000 BEFORE I had to gut the house of carpet and get rid of all Dad's things. I ended up with $70,000. NO VALUE INCREASE!!! Plus tons of physical labor on my account because E didn't even start on the house for MONTHS! I paid taxes and utilities months longer than needed. The first offer was to close when I like and I wouldn't have had to do anyting but to take out what I wanted from the house. E referred to the work on Dad's house as "practice" for MORE improvements to the MC house before we tried to sell it. He also used my inheritance $$$ for supplies (coerced me into it).
About the paralegal....does she communicate ANYTHING that I tell her about the $$$'s?? I have had to repeat and supply the same documents more times that I care to count.
Had to pay for a rewrite that was NOT my mistake. I told the paralegal which vehicle was mine and it's on the initial interrogatory.
Can we move this along??? E's attorney should be "caught up" by now?!?!
PLEASE get both depo's done before the next conference! This is RIDICULOUS!
Ask strongly for AT LEAST part of my attorney fees!!!
Also....I do NOT appreciate the comment that the paralegal made regarding how many clients there are. An attorney should NOT take on more clients than he/she can handle fairly. At his rates, he and his paralegal should at least communicate effectively and move along at a respectable pace!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Trying a new idea that came to me at 4am...
I'm going to record some hard-copy writings I've done over the years. Unfortunately, there are some important ones missing, as I believed I must destroy them before my husband found them. I sure wish I hadn't done that....
Anyway, here are a few from January and February of 2010
1-23 My two boys and I moved furniture today. E is freaking me out. His "favorite" uncle's funeral is today and his sister called to offer me a ride, since E is in Florida and decided he didn't have time to fly back and attend. So glad the kids didn't think I needed to actually go! I was scared that someone would stop at the house while we were there and start asking questions. My oldest suggested Xanax and I took a whole .5 pill. I want a glass of Bailey's BAD!
Outline for telling E....
~Controlling, anger, the little boy sadness like the message he left this afternoon
~I'm always on eggshells, "sorry" this and that to ward off his negative comments.
~Chaos=life to him....projects, no down-time, physically, mentally or emotionally.
~It's always his call, he sometimes says it's mine, but then critiques until things so his way
~No peace, no real play with nothing else pressing...it's wearing me out!
1-25 Finally got the nerve to tell E that we are going in opposite directions. Chickened out on telling him that I've got a lawyer ready to serve papers.
1-28 Spent a wonderful day with S. shopping and put up drapes and sheers in the dining room.
1-29 Last night a "counselor", supposedly for E, called for more info "about E, to help him". Cindy N. was the name she left and her home and cell numbers. My oldest son advised me to ask my lawyer, so I left a message for Z. S didn't think it was a bad idea to at least return the "counselor's" call. Yesterday, E also texted me "Why are you doing what you are doing?"
Got a locksmith out for new lock with one key for all of them today. E took over $9,000 out of our joint account and must have locked the AT&T account, cos I can't get in. "Boo-hoo!" :) Looks like he FINALLY changed his password to his gmail account too!
1-30 Finally getting the lighting install finished. Got the $60,000 into my personal account and put my youngest son on the account with me. Have neck, shoulder and head pain on the LEFT now. TG I have a dr appt on Monday!
1-31 Woke this morning to a gorgeous sunrise! My window faces SE and the frozen field ehond the land sparkles with snow crystals and the remainder of moisture creates a slight fog over and around the trees in the distance. I am at peace for now and will use this Sunday to remain so! :)
2-3 E messaged me to swap keys to the vehicles and I asked my son to take care of it.
He also lowered the price from $325,000 to $299,900, changed the locks and security code to make the place more "secure". I called the realtor to ask her for the codes and she said E told her not to give them to me! Another nail in E's coffin of divorce. My attorney said I can get into the house any way I can manage and there is nothing E can do about it! My youngest son wants to stay low-key and I really don't care to have to maintain the place, so I don't really care. I have some things there, but they really don't matter anymore.
2-18 My "bucket list", i.e. " more drops in the bucket" that led to serving E with divorce papers...small "drops" to be sure, but they count all the same...
~When he bought flower/plants for the FL place, his preferences were always chosen. He chose impatiens, not that I don't like them. I do, but I expressed interests that he never even acknowledged.
~His INSISTENCE that I loved to cook. Just because I was good at it was enought reason for him to sya that.
~His yapping about "fat" people, like HE wasn't fat!
~His snoring and farting- he seemed to think there was GLORY in it!
~Anger/jealousy of my being able to sleep when he couldn't
~Love= Hate........as Hate= Love
~He would not allow my kitties to be a part of me and my life without a constant battle about it! MauMau might be alive today if I had left E back then instead of later!
~I let him pry my hand and my heart from my family.
~My sum of existence became what HE wanted it to be, at threat of "losing" my nickname, which HE gave me and defined! I was afraid to be MYSELF, for fear of his losing his "Punkin"!
~I knew it was time when I realized that I had stopped singing.
2-22 I feel oddly detached today. Went for an early walk with Penny and had to run back to the bathroom. I must have eaten too much food yesterday. I'm just happy the kids weren't awake to see me having to dash to the bathroom. I must reorganize myself. Had a good week and now back to feeling like I'm in neutral all the time. :(
Anyway, here are a few from January and February of 2010
1-23 My two boys and I moved furniture today. E is freaking me out. His "favorite" uncle's funeral is today and his sister called to offer me a ride, since E is in Florida and decided he didn't have time to fly back and attend. So glad the kids didn't think I needed to actually go! I was scared that someone would stop at the house while we were there and start asking questions. My oldest suggested Xanax and I took a whole .5 pill. I want a glass of Bailey's BAD!
Outline for telling E....
~Controlling, anger, the little boy sadness like the message he left this afternoon
~I'm always on eggshells, "sorry" this and that to ward off his negative comments.
~Chaos=life to him....projects, no down-time, physically, mentally or emotionally.
~It's always his call, he sometimes says it's mine, but then critiques until things so his way
~No peace, no real play with nothing else pressing...it's wearing me out!
1-25 Finally got the nerve to tell E that we are going in opposite directions. Chickened out on telling him that I've got a lawyer ready to serve papers.
1-28 Spent a wonderful day with S. shopping and put up drapes and sheers in the dining room.
1-29 Last night a "counselor", supposedly for E, called for more info "about E, to help him". Cindy N. was the name she left and her home and cell numbers. My oldest son advised me to ask my lawyer, so I left a message for Z. S didn't think it was a bad idea to at least return the "counselor's" call. Yesterday, E also texted me "Why are you doing what you are doing?"
Got a locksmith out for new lock with one key for all of them today. E took over $9,000 out of our joint account and must have locked the AT&T account, cos I can't get in. "Boo-hoo!" :) Looks like he FINALLY changed his password to his gmail account too!
1-30 Finally getting the lighting install finished. Got the $60,000 into my personal account and put my youngest son on the account with me. Have neck, shoulder and head pain on the LEFT now. TG I have a dr appt on Monday!
1-31 Woke this morning to a gorgeous sunrise! My window faces SE and the frozen field ehond the land sparkles with snow crystals and the remainder of moisture creates a slight fog over and around the trees in the distance. I am at peace for now and will use this Sunday to remain so! :)
2-3 E messaged me to swap keys to the vehicles and I asked my son to take care of it.
He also lowered the price from $325,000 to $299,900, changed the locks and security code to make the place more "secure". I called the realtor to ask her for the codes and she said E told her not to give them to me! Another nail in E's coffin of divorce. My attorney said I can get into the house any way I can manage and there is nothing E can do about it! My youngest son wants to stay low-key and I really don't care to have to maintain the place, so I don't really care. I have some things there, but they really don't matter anymore.
2-18 My "bucket list", i.e. " more drops in the bucket" that led to serving E with divorce papers...small "drops" to be sure, but they count all the same...
~When he bought flower/plants for the FL place, his preferences were always chosen. He chose impatiens, not that I don't like them. I do, but I expressed interests that he never even acknowledged.
~His INSISTENCE that I loved to cook. Just because I was good at it was enought reason for him to sya that.
~His yapping about "fat" people, like HE wasn't fat!
~His snoring and farting- he seemed to think there was GLORY in it!
~Anger/jealousy of my being able to sleep when he couldn't
~Love= Hate........as Hate= Love
~He would not allow my kitties to be a part of me and my life without a constant battle about it! MauMau might be alive today if I had left E back then instead of later!
~I let him pry my hand and my heart from my family.
~My sum of existence became what HE wanted it to be, at threat of "losing" my nickname, which HE gave me and defined! I was afraid to be MYSELF, for fear of his losing his "Punkin"!
~I knew it was time when I realized that I had stopped singing.
2-22 I feel oddly detached today. Went for an early walk with Penny and had to run back to the bathroom. I must have eaten too much food yesterday. I'm just happy the kids weren't awake to see me having to dash to the bathroom. I must reorganize myself. Had a good week and now back to feeling like I'm in neutral all the time. :(
What is this????
I think I figured out what all this "blogging" is for. I'm using it as a form of self-help. So, this is the "Help Myself Blog", which translates the same way, as far as I'm concerned. I did have a nice dose of love from my son today though...he's showing his true sweet spirit and angel soul. He usually does, even when he's not feeling so great himself. He's been going through just as much if not more than I have been lately. His wife has been putting pressure on him to choose between her and me, his Momma. I can forgive a lot, but I will not and cannot forgive anyone hurting my son, either one of them!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Don't trust
I have found that trust is not to be found in most people, especially the ones who promise you the world as you need it. I have been told I could stay here for five years, if needed and since there was a problem caused by the presence of me and my pets, I'm now on the lookout for my own place. Since the divorce is not over with and doesn't look as if it will be soon, this is another hardship that was placed because I believed in something I was told a more than a year ago. Yes, I know things change....obviously. One more lesson in life.....why do I go on trusting what people say and do? Because my innate nature is a trusting one. Even when I say "are you sure?" over and over and people say "yes", things end up being a boggle of deceit and isolation.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The latest in my quest to find the end of love by dancing without end....
“I understand you a lot better than you think I do.” .....
Remember that line? It's from the movie, "Tootsie", starring Dustin Hoffman among others. Mr. Hoffman plays the part of a woman and when another man is trying to explain why he uses women the way he does to Hoffman in his female guise, that is what he tells the womanizer.
It applies to many other situations though. Like a person who insists upon helping with a situation, then suddenly decides she/he is "done" with it and you are on your own.
Remember that line? It's from the movie, "Tootsie", starring Dustin Hoffman among others. Mr. Hoffman plays the part of a woman and when another man is trying to explain why he uses women the way he does to Hoffman in his female guise, that is what he tells the womanizer.
It applies to many other situations though. Like a person who insists upon helping with a situation, then suddenly decides she/he is "done" with it and you are on your own.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Preaching and Reality
Ever notice the difference between what you SAY and what you DO? For years, you "preached" about how the law states that divorce resolution is 50/50 regarding marital property and now what are you doing? You are not the man I married, that's for sure. I guess I'm not the woman you married either, since you abused me for your own amusement in so many ways. I'm coming back though...and WILL be back to my old self soon. I have friends and family who stuck by me, even when I was agoraphobic due to your aggressive mental abuse of my mind. They are helping me to slowly regain my forward movement and reach back into the back of my mind to recover things like my love of reading, my extensive vocabulary and the arts of drawing and painting...as well as my love of nature and walking for hours alone or with friends.
You cannot reach my mind anymore and had better not come in direct or indirect contact with me. There are laws protecting me, as well as people who love me and will be there for me when needed. Unlike yourself, pushing away friends and family alike while actively seeking out things to look upon as negative...I'm reaching OUT to friends and family, telling them what happened to me during the 11 years of subtle and progressive mental and emotional abuse you dished out while seeming to be the loving husband I thought I had married. It took me about 3 years to realize you had changed and I tried and tried to get you to find help, with or without me. Instead you refused and continued to move on into the dark abyss you find yourself in now, dragging me along because I wouldn't quit trying to save you and myself, as well as our marriage.
Well, that's done now....feel free to move on with your life. I hope you find peace and happiness.
I forgive myself and you and anyone who was involved in perpetuating our descent into anger and frustration that was mutually wounding.
You cannot reach my mind anymore and had better not come in direct or indirect contact with me. There are laws protecting me, as well as people who love me and will be there for me when needed. Unlike yourself, pushing away friends and family alike while actively seeking out things to look upon as negative...I'm reaching OUT to friends and family, telling them what happened to me during the 11 years of subtle and progressive mental and emotional abuse you dished out while seeming to be the loving husband I thought I had married. It took me about 3 years to realize you had changed and I tried and tried to get you to find help, with or without me. Instead you refused and continued to move on into the dark abyss you find yourself in now, dragging me along because I wouldn't quit trying to save you and myself, as well as our marriage.
Well, that's done now....feel free to move on with your life. I hope you find peace and happiness.
I forgive myself and you and anyone who was involved in perpetuating our descent into anger and frustration that was mutually wounding.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)